Thursday, September 24, 2009

More Deep Breaths

I am still hoping we can get Juno this weekend. Whether or not she’s with us, I’m planning to spend the entire weekend cleaning, organizing, and hopefully clearing out the den in the basement so that can become another comfortable living space. Either the expectation of getting her, or actually having her there, will be a nice added motivator to get all this stuff done this weekend. If I can get significantly caught up, it will do an immeasurable amount of good for my stress level and feeling like we’re on the right track towards all these impossible visions I have for a smoothly-running household.
[UPDATE: Provided her biopsy results are negative, we will be getting Juno this weekend!]

I keep looking ahead a few weeks and expecting things to calm down and start being "normal," but they never do! I still think it might actually happen soon - once we get the dog, and clean up the den in the basement, there really isn't anything else big and exciting on the horizon. I really hope I'm right. I really, really, REALLY want to have a routine, keep the house reasonably clean & organized on a regular basis, and spend time doing a bunch of little things instead of a few big things. I want to knit, and read, and cook, and play with the dog, and spend 15-30 minutes a day cleaning; not stress about painting that needs to be finished and the huge mess in the basement and baskets overflowing with laundry and sink overflowing with dishes.

All these friends having babies have made me want to have a baby more, not less, even when I hear their first-hand stories about the bad stuff; but I feel like I don't even have my own life under control right now, so how could I possibly do it with a baby? This is part of the reason that I am excited to have a dog - it will be a lot of additional responsibility, but I always worked harder and did better in school during the most busy and difficult times, so I think this will be similar. I always get my house the cleanest when I'm expecting company or planning a party, and I think having a dog will help me keep my eye on the ball, step up to the plate, and really finally get into a viable routine that will allow us to keep the house at a reasonable level of organization all the time, instead of in big waves of super-messy to clean to messy again. And if we can do that, then stress will go way down, and we'll be able to focus on the important things.

I'm sure this will not happen as neatly and easily as it sounds when I write it like that, but I need to have this hopeful plan in place, so please don't leave comments telling me it's all a pipe dream. I need to believe that I can have my house 95% clean, organized, finished, and running like a well-oiled machine by mid-November so that we can enjoy it for the holidays. I want my plan to start sending more snail-mail from my very own desk in our little home office to be realized in time to send out nice holiday cards to everyone. I want to have the traditional Wednesday-night-before-Thanksgiving party at our house, and flow right into Thanksgiving Day with Paul's family, hosted at our house, our first official family holiday event in our own home. I want to send out change-of-address post cards to invite everyone to an open house, so that our home can be that place where everyone feels welcome to stop by just to say hello, ask for a cup of flour, borrow a rake, join us for dinner.

Still way long, so I'll finish venting tomorrow...

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